In an era of growing obesity around the world, weight loss is a matter of health and it can be a matter of life and death, especially for a relationship! While the genders may vary, it is quite common for one spouse to lose interest in the other due to increased weight gain.
One classic illustration played out on the Oprah Winfrey show, where a (quite pudgy!) cruelly judgmental husband proceeded to say the most insulting and debilitating things to his wife who happened to be heavier than him. He claimed to be trying to help her. He said he wanted her to improve, but this pattern of criticism and insult had gone on for years and it was clearly not helping the dieting goals of either person! And it was about to destroy the marriage it was supposed to improve.
When one partner in a relationship begins to demand change from another, it creates an opposition that may be more damaging to the relationship than the behavior it attempts to correct. First, correct the relationship alliances, then approach the behaviors in question. In most cases, it would do far more good to join the heavy person in a mutual eating revolution than to stand apart and criticize them.
Many people eat or drink or smoke excessively as a means to reduce anxiety and while changing behavior might benefit them any approach that increases anxiety risks making both the problem and the relationship worse.
One psychological secret of relationship is that partners almost invariably mirror each other's psyche at many levels. One may eat too much while their thin partner smokes too much or has bouts of anger that are out of control. Given this mirroring, a wise approach to change is "If you see something in your partner that you don't like-- change it in yourself.
This reduces the mirrored effect with no criticism or focus on the partner. It models self-control which is the best form of behavior change. Throughout history, the greatest teachers are not those who want to be the master over someone else but those who can master themselves!
Whenever we try to change another person, we create an opposition that invites competition and resentment. When we try to control another's behavior we activate a basic resistance to being told what to do. Being told what to do puts the teller in a position of power and dominance over the recipient, and invites rebellious behavior. When told to lose weight, many spouses immediately gain weight in order to prove their independence and save self respect.
If we join our partners in self improvement, we can create a team approach in which no one need to feel inferior, or be controlled by another person. Each person can contribute to the team effort and mutual encouragement and mutual success can strengthen the bonds. How we define the boundaries of the group make all the difference. It strengthens my resolve to have an ally in change, while it distracts my focus to resist both my own habits and someone who is trying to control me.
If both partners need to lose weight, why not mutually study the issues and create a shared approach to shopping, cooking and dieting that brings both together rather than antagonizing both. Criticism is a negative force in any relationship and it generates negative reactions that do not further the positive goals of weight loss.
If one party needs to lose more weight than the other, they can simply adapt portion sizes to suit each individual, rather than isolate and stigmatize the heavier person as the only one needing to change. Avoid the sort of forces which have often contributed to overeating in the first place. Creating a loving, supportive, team effort is much more likely to engage loyalty and activate a desire to please the other, which can help in losing weight.
And if only one person has the weight problem, there is likely to be a mirror of excess somewhere else in the picture. While one person cuts back on the calories, the other could count and reduce the number of cigarettes, or the frequency of anger outbursts or maybe just the frequency of criticisms that can poison the relationship. Don't let "self improvement" goals become an excuse for abuse that can divide and conquer both parties. Form a team with both parties on the same side!
See Dr Masa and Debbie Hart's ebook, "How We Lost Our First 100 Pounds Together: Romantic Weight Loss for Couples." Consider some great options for online help from Weight Watchers. Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=R._E._Masa,_Ph.D. |
Organic Foods: How and Why to Make the Shift
What are organics, and why are they so important in helping us to maintain good health? Dag Falck, Organic Program Manager for Nature's Path Foods Inc., talks about how to consumers can make the shift to a primarily organic diet. He also describes the issues facing organic farmers, and how Nature's Path is working with them to maintain the integrity of this rapidly growing industry.
Foods To Prevent Obesity?
This, surely, is the oxymoron of the year. Reuters reports that the "Dutch hope to invent foods that prevent obesity". That single sentence encompasses the arrogance, greed, and plain foolishness that exists in the minds of those who "invent" foods. "We are working on certain food ingredients, which provoke more satiety than others do on the long run, so that...
The Nutritional Accuracy of Popular Magazines
The ACSH (American Council on Science and Health) have completed a large review of many popular magazines. Their goal was to evaluate the quality of nutritional information presented. Apparently 42% of US consumers make diet-related changes on the basis of information from health and fitness magazines. So - who do you trust?...
Fuel for the Race of Life with Dean Karnazes
What does it take in food, training and conditioning to 350 continuous miles, foregoing sleep for three nights? What does it take to run accros Death Valley in 126 degree temperatures, and run a marathon to the South Pole in negative 40 degrees. What kind of body does one need to have to swim across the San Francisco Bay, scale Half Dome in Yosemite and mountain-bike for 24-hours straight.? Dean Karnazes knows. He has done all this and more.
Men's Fitness Magazine says "Dean Karnazes might just be the fittest man in the world!"
On seven different occasions, he's run a 200-mile relay race solo, racing alongside teams of twelve. Dean is a Ten-time Western States 100-Mile Endurance Run Silver Buckle winner, has competed across the globe, and is the 2004 Badwater Ultramarathon champion, considered: 'The World's Toughest Footrace.'
We talk with Dean about these extrodinary accomplishments and how he fuels his body and mind to do what he does. Dean is sponsored in part by Nature's Path Foods and he consumes Nature's Path foods for energy.
Philips 598: The Phone For Weight-Conscious Women
Philips are releasing a cell phone targeted towards women. What's intriguing about the phone is the feature set. The features include both a Body Mass Index calculator and a Basal Metabolic Rate feature. Apparently women need to be able to calculate their BMI anywhere anytime....
Obesity High Among Baltimore's Homeless, Johns Hopkins Researchers Say
A small but telling study from the Johns Hopkins Children's Center reveals an ominous trend: more than expected, obesity shadows Baltimore's homeless children and their caregivers, putting them at high risk for heart disease, stroke and type 2 diabetes, among other conditions."Not long ago, homeless people were undernourished. [click link for full article]
First UK Study To Determine How General Practice Professionals Can Tackle Adolescent Obesity
Academics at the University of Hertfordshire are conducting the first UK study to investigate how health professionals based in general practice can help adolescents who are obese to lose weight. [click link for full article]
Red Pepper: Hot Stuff For Fighting Fat?
Food scientists in Taiwan are reporting new evidence from laboratory experiments that capsaicin - the natural compound that gives red pepper that spicy hot kick - can reduce the growth of fat cells. The study is scheduled for the March 21 issue of the ACS' Journal of Agricultural and Food Chemistry, a bi-weekly publication. [click link for full article]
Energy... Fueling the Body for Life with Melanie McQuaid
Melanie McQuaid, a three-time Xterra champion and triathlete, talks about her sport, her training, and the food she uses to fuel her body for success. Originally from Victoria, BC, Melanie has raced at the highest level and has represented Canada at 10 World Championships for three different events, taking top spot to become World Champion in 2003.
She understands the importance of eating a healthy, well-balanced diet, in order to ensure she always attains peak performance. Listen here to find out how she does it, and how you can make the right choices to stay at the top of your game.
Spain Removes Skinny Mannequins From Stores
Last year during Fashion Week, Spain banned models with a BMI under 18 from participating. This year, the Health Ministry in Spain is charging ahead with a new program that will prevent mannequins under a size 6 (a Spanish 38) from being displayed in store windows. Womens' sizes are also being standardized. 85,000 women across Spain, ages 12 to...